Over 50 and Unemployed? Don’t Be.

By Ray Hatfield

Everything you are doing to land a job is probably wrong.

This is not one of those ‘look him in the eye and give him a firm handshake, go back to school and learn new skills, hire a professional to rewrite your resume’ type articles.

After 50, the chances of you landing an advertised job is next to zero. Apply if you want but don’t hold your breath. Here’s what to do instead:

Resumes don’t count.

This is how I feel about resumes: Nobody reads them. These days, everyone is padding their resumes with questionable achievements and hiring managers know it. Besides, did you ever try to read 5 resumes in a row, let alone a few hundred? (or a few thousand?).

The reality is most times your resume never gets read. There are just too many of them. If you feel you must have a resume because everyone says you need one and everyone asks you for it just because they think they should, at least make it look as interesting and creative as possible. Include graphics, cartoons, a letter from your third grade teacher — anything that draws attention and makes it stand out. And NEVER include it as an attachment. Put it in the body of your email instead. Nobody wants to open an attachment You’ve heard of viruses?

Here’s when you do need a resume: After you’re hired there’s always somebody who needs to have a copy for their files. So you might as well do one just in case. But don’t include dates and don’t go back further than 15 years.

Avoid online applications.

Like the plague. They are programmed to reject you if choose one answer they are not looking for. And that’s after you spend an hour filling one out. And talk about impersonal. I suspect that no human even looks at your application. One computer looking over the shoulder of another computer -how nice!

Nix headhunters

Headhunters are having the same difficulty you are having in finding a job. In today’s economy, many employers would rather not pay a headhunter’s finding fee - they’ll use craigslist or word of mouth to get the word out.

Besides, many headhunters are snakes. (They’re not called ‘headhunters’ for nothing.)  They are your best friend if they think you might be a hot prospect and don’t return your calls if you turn out to be cooling down. You’ve got better things to do, trust me. Avoid the humiliation in dealing with them.

Postings and grapevines

Don’t bother applying for jobs that you find posted online or heard about through the grapevine. A zillion other people will be applying for that job having seen the same posting or by being on that same grapevine. The odds are not with you. Chances are you are not the “best” qualified person applying for the job. (Sorry) Besides, with all those people applying, the person hiring probably won’t even get to or read your resume.

Exception to that rule: Try being over-qualified

Apply for a job that you are over-qualified for and that is offering much less pay than you would be willing to work for. Assume that they would never hire you because you’re overqualified and that they will think you would probably quit if you found something that would pay you more.

Tell them that you are sure, based on your experience that you are over-qualified for the position but tell them jokingly, that they shouldn’t be concerned because you are an under-achiever. Push for a meeting. The object of this approach is to somehow get them to want to at least meet you even if they would never hire you. You want them to keep you in mind if something else comes up.

Don’t let yourself be interviewed

Think of it as a meeting, not an interview. In fact, act as if you are conducting the interview. Ask a lot of specific direct questions like “Tell me, the truth, is this a good place to work?” “Are the people in charge intelligent?” “What’s the level of talent or expertise of the employees?” “Is the company in good financial shape?” “How long have you worked here?” This approach shows that you are carefully considering if this is the kind of company you might want to work at. It also puts the interviewer on the defense a little, which is always to your advantage.

Never think of yourself as being unemployed or out of a job.

As far as anybody is concerned you are a successful consultant or have your own small business. Have business cards made. It’s alright to say the economy has affected your business which is why you are getting out and meeting people more. You are always in a stronger position when the person in the hiring position thinks you already have a job rather than you need a job.

Don’t be modest/exaggerate/drop names

These are tough times. If you don’t have genuine success stories, gross exaggerations are perfectly acceptable. Exaggerate how successful a campaign or sales event you were instrumental in implementing and at the same time drop some names.

For example: “It was the biggest sales promotion success in Coca Cola’s history.” “I was instrumental in making the Chicago Lottery the #1 Lottery in the country.” “We used Sean Penn as a spokesperson - great guy. “The “successes” will provide you with both credentials and endorsements by association.

Mind their business

Find out if a company you have been pursuing is participating in a local trade show or convention. If they are, make it your business to attend and visit their booth. Meet some of their people. Tell them you have been corresponding with so and so and you like the way the company does business. Take business cards. Afterward follow up with the CEOs or hiring managers and mention you visited their booth at the trade show. Offer your observations of the show, their booth, their pitches, their competition, etc. This is a great way to show that you are not only interested in their industry but are interested in their company as well.

Contact an old guy

Do some research and find companies with CEO’s older than you who are still very much active in the company. Over 70 is ideal. Find a way to make contact. (This is sometimes difficult.You might try saying you are interviewing local CEOs about the current business environment.)

Older people won’t consider you old. Even if they do, they know that older workers have value and appreciate your experience.

I recommend writing letters rather than emails. Everyone gets dozens of emails. Very few people get regular mail these days that isn’t junk mail or a bill. Use multiple denominations of stamps on the envelope so that the envelope looks a little different than the rest of his mail. If you can, find an article about the industry he’s in, include it as something you found that he might find of interest.

Flatter him by telling him how you admire his company and the way it does business. Find a nicety you can play back to him or her and thank him for it. Tell him how refreshing it is to find a company that has values. This works best with CEOs that own the company.

When you meet, find a way to mention your particular skills and offer your help if needed. DON’T ask for a job. He’s probably not the person who does the hiring but it sure doesn’t hurt if he passes your name on to the one who does.

Get a professional but casual photo taken

If you’re attractive, by all means include a small photo of yourself via business card or resume. The more attractive you are, the better your chances to get to see someone in person. That’s how pharmaceutical company reps get in to see doctors. Unfortunately, like it or not, as a rule the best looking people have an advantage. If you look like George Clooney or Michelle Pfeiffer - you’re hired automatically.

Awful question #1: Why did you leave your last job?

Answer it this way: Tell them you were let go because there was a difference of opinion on what constitutes “ethics.” (Say “ethics” in a way that clearly shows that you think your former employer lacks them.) And then say you would rather not discuss it. Say, “Let’s just say I don’t think it would be in my best interest for you to contact them.”

Awful question #2: What are your salary requirements?

I hate that question. Nobody wants to price themselves out of contention by going too high or screw themselves by asking too little.

Answer it this way: “I have no salary requirements, I have job requirements. If the job seems like it’s a good fit, I’m willing to work within your budget. On the same token, if you think I’m the person for the job, I would appreciate you offering me a fair salary.”

Finally, if the above suggestion don’t get you anywhere, and if you’re really ballsy, try this:

Blow up your resume 3 ft. x 5t. On the top in giant letters say Marketing Manager (or whatever you are) Needs Work. Include your resume beneath it. Make 2 copies and mount them on heavy Styrofoam boards.  Wear them as sandwich signs, front and back. Walk up and down a busy thoroughfare like Madison Avenue in New York. You’ll get noticed and maybe make the evening news. Get a friend to video it and put it on YouTube.

The point of this article is to encourage you to try and think and do things a little different than everyone else is doing them.

Hey, tough times require innovative means. Good Luck.<<

Ray Hatfield is 59 years old. He has recently been hired by a national company using his above strategies. His name is not really Ray Hatfield.

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better than christmas

Every time I think I’m in serious danger of becoming a princess because of all my self-indulgences, I am snapped out of it unexpectedly, usually by my husband. He has a knack of knowing not only what will please me, but how happy it will make me to get what most would consider, at best, an unlikely gift - even question whether these things qualify as gifts at all.Ah, but be assured they do. Only last year did he observe me working in our yard, diligently (and foolishly) trying to pry some pretty hefty rocks out of the ground using a shovel for leverage. He left the house, saying he’d be back shortly. When he returned, it was with a gift that made me laugh with glee. I never thought of myself as the kind of girl who would be excited by having her own crow bar.  But it’s all mine. I use it all the time for something or other and I take great care of it - not that a crow bar requires much maintenance.Now, this spring we’re planning some “serious” yard work. Actually, the yard has been happily delegated to me. One of my first priorities is getting rid of a considerable number of logs that have rotted out and are a legacy of the previous owners. You might think a wood chipper (a la Fargo) would be his next “gift” to me. But, he actually did something even more clever. Knowing my need to get rid of the vast amount of rotted stumps as well as my love of throwing things out (just ask my kids) that haven’t been used in a year, he used his considerable influence to cater to both idiosyncrasies. Tomorrow morning he has arranged for the delivery of my very owndumpster (on loan, of course) along with the kind assistance of two men who will help me get rid of stuff!  What could be better than your own dumpster, even if it’s just for the day.You know, our anniversary is coming up. I’m kind of hoping for a chain saw.

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Casks & Tubs in Cave di Moleto, Italy

Topping the vineyard laden hills of the Piedmont (Piemonte) region in Italy are charming little ancient villages with quaint lodgings, wonderful food and wine specialties. With a romantic getaway in mind, Claudia, hostess extraordinaire, took us on a driving tour down the lovely rural lanes of Monferrato to show us her favorite villas. She insisted that we choose one for our evening‘s accommodations.

The calming beauty of our trip was broken — just once — when a madcap, out-of-nowhere Vespa driving maniac whipped around our car and Claudia exclaimed, “Mamma Mia!,” her hands gesturing wildly. Italians actually say that in real life! We had mistakenly thought that the phrase was a cliché limited to Super Mario Bros and bad canned spaghetti commercials.  We learn something new everyday.

We strolled through several medieval villages then settled upon staying at Cave di Moleto. Moleto is a small community that includes a working vineyard and winery, restaurant and hotel. A small outdoor theatre with a 360 degree panorama, hosting fantastic jazz concerts. The view the from theatre is spectacular, overlooking the Valle dei Frati (Valley of the Friars) and the rolling hills at the feet of the Alps. Romantic?  Si.

The name Cave di Moleto comes from the ancient quarries of marl (clay) in the area but is also a clever bit of word play. Cave in Italian is the word for mines or quarries but in French it means the place to store wine. The village itself dates back to the late 700s and in 1992, the estate was bought and extensive renovations were undertaken. The winery incorporates the old wine cellars with the technologies of today. The renovations are impressive and were obviously done with much love and the utmost care.

We were given a tour of the lodgings, while listening to the vineyard workers in a spirited game of ping pong. There were twelve spacious rooms in all, each with distinctive and whimsical touches, utilizing the art of Trompe l’oeil (we spent a least an hour just staring at the ceiling above our bed). We selected the Camera Sant’Orsola for its wonderful little balcony overlooking a little chapel, the beautiful bed with its ornate wooden headboard (like cathedral doors) and the biggest bathroom we had ever been in.

Since choosing a room for its bathroom was a first for us, it seems a detailed description should be made: In the middle of the huge room stood a free standing, deep, no, VERY deep, white cast iron, four legged tub. The toilet and bidet each were nestled away with deco-like, back lit partitions with a step-up vanity tucked between. The ceiling was extremely high and elaborately painted. A full wall was dedicated to windows overlooking the courtyard. Molto bella.
We spent our evening strolling around the village, jaws agape in historical and architectural wonder, then hiking through the vineyards at sunset. We finished with a bottle of the estate’s Barbera del Monferrato perfect for the “Symphony of our own sausages to cutting board Monferrato” in a candlelit courtyard. Little details were everywhere — even the lanterns were made from wine carafes. Cosi’ romantico.

To end a perfect day, we retired to our room to drift off contemplating the ceiling.

David & Veronica, GypsyNester.com

To see more pictures of beautiful Cave di Moleto (including the bathroom!), go to http://www.gypsynester.com/mo.htm

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My Mother, Myself

By Ethel Lee-Miller

I recently started walking at the mall with a friend. We share the time it takes to do several loops. The faster we walk, the more we talk, mostly about relationships, particularly mother-daughter.

We both had our share of conflict with our mothers. I had been a rebellious teenager in the 1960s; breaking rules seemed the only way I could ‘separate’ from my parents. Fulfilling her mother’s high expectations had made childhood difficult for Candy too.

Our relationships had mellowed as our mothers got older and we gained insight into the perspective of our 1950s moms; perfect children equaled perfect mothers and imperfect children…. Well, you can see how it went.

Candy and I found the mother conflicts were replaced by our growing maturity and the common experience of caring for our aging mothers. We witnessed these independent and often difficult women move into various stages of illness and vulnerability that come with aging, sometimes with cranky or bitter resistance, sometimes with a sense of grace that was astounding and inspiring.

As Candy and I aged, there was also the realization: we were so much like our mothers. Now both our mothers had died; mine two years ago on Christmas Eve; hers this past winter. We are motherless daughters.

“I have my mother’s hands,” Candy said, spreading her fingers in front of her as we walked. “Arthritis,” as she touched the bumps near her joints.

“Me too,” as I located the age spots that speckled the backs of my hands.  “And all those years I vowed I’d never be like my mom.”

“Funny.”

One morning, post walk, Candy beckoned me to her car. “I want to show you something.”

Out of the trunk of her car she produced a needlepoint pillow, a kaleidoscope of colors sliding across in a vibrant collage.

“Wow,” I breathed. I knew Candy did needlepoint, but I’d only seen delicate patterns on pristine white backgrounds.

“Yeah, different for me,” she chuckled. “I got the colors from my mother.”

“Your mother?” I asked. Wait, this was embarrassing. I was pretty sure her mom had died. I had sent a card, a book.

“Oh yes, she died six months ago,” Candy said. “I miss her so much.”

Candy looked off with a smile as if she saw her mom in the distance, maybe walking toward us.

“When Mom died, my sister and I went to clean out her house. My sister found this box of needlepoint with Mom’s unfinished work and said there was more of a chance that I would make use of it than anyone else in the family.” Candy looked at me and chuckled. “After years of resisting my mother extolling the benefits of needlepoint work to calm nervous thoughts and hands, I had reluctantly tried it. It worked.”

She glanced down at the reminder of her mother. “My mother did needlepoint for years,” she said as her middle-aged hands smoothed across the pillow. “She had to stop when her arthritis became so painful. Maybe she thought she would start again, that’s why she saved all this.”

Candy’s eyes met mine. The same thought occurred to us. Maybe something made her save it for someone else?

Candy continued, “When I went through the mix of threads and pillow forms, I found this one. It struck me because it was so colorful and had already been started. That’s why I say my mom gave me the colors. I just continued the pattern, but…” she said with a final pat, “we did it together.”

“You know what I mean?” Candy asked aloud. Behind her words I sensed ‘Do you understand how I feel?’ I did. What a lovely gift from your mother, I thought.

The usually bubbly features of my friend’s face softened as she bent over to pull out a second unfinished memory. I could see in her face the girl, young woman, and now middle-aged woman who loved her mother as deeply as I had grown to love mine.

“Look at this. Green and red, almost finished. I like to imagine she was doing this one for me. I’ll do this one next—just in time for Christmas.”

Ethel Lee-Miller is a Let Life In member who contributed this memoir to our “Your Stories” section, originally titled “A Mother’s Gift.”

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Change your Life Now Before it’s too Late.

By P. Coletta in Your Stories

I’m a “recovering” lawyer but like Marines, alcoholics, and Catholics, there’s some stuff you just can’t ever shake. About four years ago, I quit being a lawyer, and I’ve never looked back. I’ve quit other jobs and professions too and I’d like to tell you about it so that you can dig up that high school dream you had of owning a bakery or being a river guide and make it happen. My dream was always to live in a cabin in the Colorado mountains and ride horses. Guess what? I did just that.

Are you tired of being “squeezed?”

It took me 16 years to leave the law though I knew after about six months in law school that I was doomed. I wanted to give the gig a fair shot, so I worked for three different firms, thinking that a change of scenery would quell the restlessness inside me. But I came to find out that law firms are generic. They are like a tube of toothpaste: you have to squeeze the bottom to ensure abundance at the top. This, in fact, is the paradigm of American business in general. Are you tired of being squeezed yet? Or maybe you’re the top of the tube, gooping “abundance” all over the place and you still ache inside.

Life is weird folks, and it’s not a dress rehearsal.

This is it. This is your one shot. You want to spend ten hours a day in a job that makes your chest hurt? Not me. I’m a weenie, I guess. I’m not into suffering, and I’m pretty much a bum. I’m a solid citizen, I pay my taxes, I take care of my kids. But at heart, I’m a bum. Maybe you are too.

If I’m right, then the first thing you need to do to quit your job is change your mind, the way I did. If you really desire to simplify and change your life, you can do it. Don’t let anyone or any negative thought stop you.

I know, I know. The kids, the money.

Here’s how I handled it: for one thing, I never bought a new car; always (or mostly) a Honda, used, which I would drive until it stopped dead in the six-figure mileage area. Material stuff doesn’t interest me too much at all. I like to ski and would save up every year to take the kids to the mountains for five days. That was my extravagance. I invested wisely in real estate that was bound to appreciate. I didn’t mind moving every couple of years if the market was going to give an enormous return on my investment. My kids weren’t crazy about it but sometimes you don’t need to listen to them.

Toughen up!

After the kids and the money comes the saga about how the family has gotten used to a certain lifestyle, whatever it is. How about this as a response: too bad. Toughen up, buttercup. Mommy or Daddy or both of us are tired of being a workhorse. Truly, if folks love each other (as families profess they do), then they will do anything to support the happiness of the members of the clan. If, however, you’re easily intimidated by people having hissy fits about “stuff” they “need”…. I can’t really help you.

Rethink the way you manage your life.

So, if the first thing you need to do to quit your job is change your mind, totally rethinking the way you manage your life and your money, the next thing you need to do is dream. Remember dreaming? Do you even remember how to have a dream? Probably you are so absorbed in the daily grind of “making it” that you have forgotten what you are born to do.

I was born to be a cowgirl.

By circumstances of birth, however, I was a Philly girl, then a Jersey girl, a lawyer and a teacher before I finally donned my chaps. But I never let the dream die. I talked about it and fantasized about it and made my plan. And when my youngest son graduated high school I sold everything, packed my Honda CRV with clothes, books, and camping equipment, and went West. Now after a few years of using an outhouse I got a little tired of life on the ranch.  Cowboy Bob and I moved to Steamboat Springs where we live and play in the mountains, but with indoor plumbing.

Amazing things happen when you start to really “follow your bliss…”

…as Joseph Campbell would say. Once you leave the trappings of the life you’ve constructed, which is someone else’s idea of who you are, and you follow that creative impulse that’s been deep inside since you were a kid, benevolent forces will come out of nowhere to make it happen. Trust me on this one. The hardest part of this whole process is learning to be true to yourself, to pay no mind to the critical and harsh voices of those who would like you to stay the same … which might mean, to stay miserable.

Change your mind. Start dreaming again.

Don’t be afraid. Make a plan that begins with your decision to be happy. Then when the time comes to say good-bye to the job you never liked, or the place you never wanted to be, or the lifestyle you never wanted to live, you’ll do it with joy and not anger. Good luck … and happy trails.

Pcolletta submitted this article to the Your Stories section

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A Novel Way to Rediscover Purpose

We enjoy Carol Adrienne’s work linking intuition, synchronicity and purpose, and were surprised to discover that she uses numerology with midlife clients doing a life review. The life chart helps them identify their values, reassess their strengths, understand life lessons, and clarify their purpose for the next chapter. Well, we found this irresistible, so several of us had our readings done – and were amazed to discover an in-depth snapshot of our motivations, abilities and challenges, and the direction our lives could take. One of us found it so compelling that she bought one for her freshly minted Ivy League college grads - disrupting their worldview! - and leading to a wide-ranging conversation about the nature of mind, and the role of intuition in daily life. We asked Carol to share her work -and she said yes! You can listen here, and calculate your life stage number to discover its meaning.

Here’s what one of us gleaned: she’s in an 8 life stage (achiever) and with a 1 challenge (leadership), suggesting that she needs to develop self-sufficiency, while her 9 life cycle indicates a phase of spiritual seeking. In a nutshell, its said she’s in a period of achievement - if she develops her talents and has faith in her skills as a leader. And, being in a phase of spiritual seeking, she’ll find fulfillment using her skills in her purpose as a reformer (heart’s desire).

The report affirmed her unarticulated sense of herself in this new post-50 phase. In fact, she’s using skills developed over a lifetime to reform the way business has been done in her field- showing leadership by bringing spiritual principles into the business arena to make it more sensitive to people’ needs.

The life chart report covers 19 aspects of life taken from your name - the one on your birth certificate - and your birth date. Most intriguing to me is that I’ve used Spanish, English and Hungarian variations of my name over the years, and the numbers do pinpoint the subtle shadings of emphasis I experienced during those times. Just sharing - I don’t pretend to explain it!

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Talking About Mid-Life Sexual Mojo

Lately,  there seem to be a lot of discussion about mid-life sexual dysfunction – specifically women’s sexual dysfunction, which I naturally find far more interesting than talk about ED and the ubiquitous print and broadcast advertising campaign behind Cialis and Viagra.  An article that appeared yesterday in the New York Times, about a (futile) effort to promote a female-aphrodisiac in TV advertisements capped them all.  Apparently, some research has concluded that  Zestra Essential Arousal Oils has proven to help some women who, shall we say… have lost their sexual mojo.  The makers of this product have produced a two-minute TV commercial for Zestra, in which 40- and 50-something women use racy words like  sex and arousal in expressing their desire for the sex life they once enjoyed in their younger days.  Watch it here because, unfortunately, it will likely never see the light of day due to the squeamish (male?) executives at the TV networks, cable stations, radio stations and even Facebook and WebMD.

Despite commercials flooding the airwaves about ED remedies like Cialis, whose voiceover script refers to ‘an erection lasting more than four hours,’ any mention of female sexual pleasure is clearly verboten.  According to the New York Times article, even Facebook, with its growing population of mid-life women, pulled ad an that read ‘Zestra Essential Arousal Oils –  Try Zestra for Free’ saying that ‘Facebook did not allow advertisements that contain or promote adult content including sexual terms/and or images.’  It’s hard to believe that this double-standard still prevails – even on Cable and the Internet. I think  the commercial would achieve for women what Cialis and Viagra commercials have for men: they’ve learned that they’re not alone and it’s an acceptable topic to discuss with your physician.

Low sexual desire in the second half of life was also the cover story of the August issue of the Mayo Clinic Health Letter, which takes a more buttoned up approach to explaining the reasons for a libido that wilts with age.  For women, they explain, the culprits are decreased estrogen production, urinary or genital tract changes as well as changes in our body shape and size, which affects how desirable we feel.  The National Women’s Health Resource Center also publishes “Fast Facts” about Sex and Intimacy after Menopause, which offers a more detailed explanation.  But for a really good medical explanation about low libido in mid-life I asked Rebecca Hulem, (pictured below) a personal menopause coach, why a lot of mid-life women lose their desire for sex:

The loss of sexual desire in mid-life women involves several factors. The first and foremost is the drop in two hormones: estrogen and testosterone. Testosterone is the “hormone of desire” and is produced in equal parts by the ovary during ovulation, and the adrenal glands. When ovulation stops during menopause 50% of our testosterone production automatically is gone, leaving the adrenal glands to provide the other 50%. When you lose half of your testosterone production it makes a big impact. This is why the majority of women who have transitioned thru menopause complain that they never really think about having sex anymore. If their partners “initiate” love making and they can wrap their mind around having sex many can still enjoy it. But the “initiation” from the woman is usually gone and as you can imagine this can have a big impact on the relationship.

The second hormone estrogen plays a huge part in the “mechanics” of sexual intimacy. Estrogen affects every aspect of the vagina. Estrogen keeps the vaginal tissue healthy and elastic. It provides the lubrication necessary for comfort and pleasure with intercourse. It helps to provide adequate blood flow and circulation to the clitoris and vaginal tissue thus allowing for adequate arousal and orgasms. Without adequate estrogen the vagina eventually will lose its elasticity, the tissue becomes thin and easily irritated by clothing, soaps and ,of course, intercourse. A woman may then experience a dry, itchy, burning feeling in and around the vaginal tissue. This sets up a painful cycle. If there is not adequate lubrication, intercourse and foreplay is painful. If intercourse is painful naturally a woman wants to avoid it. Most women feel embarrassed to discuss this with their partners or their health care providers. The relationship is then compromised. The man feels rejected and thinks it is him.

So, what do you think about the Zestra Commercial?  Would seeing it air on TV make you uncomfortable? Please use the comment box below to share your opinions.

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